Feelings
by simbagirl
Summary: He loved Samantha Brady. He loved her so much that he ached with it and he was sick of denying it to himself. LUMI
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Feelings.

**Disclaimer: **None of the characters from_ Days of our lives _belong to me. Yes, I know, it´s verysad. For me. Anyway, they do belong to NBC and Ken Corday.

**A/N: **Do you watch Days of our lives? Hmm? Well, then I guess you see the chemistry between Sami and Lucas? No? Sure you aren´t blind? Anyway, what if (love those) the serial killer had attacked Sami again? And actually almost managed to kill her this time? Yeah, I know, I know. Just bear with me okey?

And all those who had been murdered? They are still "dead". Just so you know.

My first fan fiction for this tw-show... Hope you enjoy!

* * *

_A person, running from the scene, disappearing in to the shadows._

_Sami, pale as a ghost, lying unconscious in a pool of blood._

_He, panic-stricken, kneeling beside her, feeling for a pulse that was barely there._

_The phone that couldn´t get a signal._

_The look on John´s face as he saw his stepdaughter on the ground._

_Blood. Everywhere. _

_The ambulance that took forever to get there._

_Her small clammy hand in his._

_The whispered words from John, begging for her forgiveness._

_His own voice, pleading with Sami to wake up._

_The concerned looks on the paramedic´s faces_

_The sirens as he sat in the ambulance, still holding her hand. _

_The journey to the hospital that seamed to take forever. _

_The overwhelming feeling of loss when they rushed her to surgery and he had to leave her._

_The phone call to their son._

_The fear in Will´s voice that almost broke him._

_The love that he had felt for her since the night they had conceived their son. _

_The voice inside his head, screaming that he had failed to protect her._

_The anger that burned in his soul when he thought about the person that stabbed her._

_

* * *

_

The pictures rolled in his head, like a movie that he couldn´t pause, couldn´t stop.

Pictures that made the pain in his heart even more unbearable, made the nerves in his stomach twist in to even harder knots.

Pictures that said that he could lose her this time. That it could be too late to tell her... Too late...

He swallowed, blinking back tears as he saw her pale face in front of him, her jacket covered in blood.

Would she ever open her eyes again? Would he be able to see her beautiful blue eyes sparkle in amusment when their son said something funny? Would he have the opportunity to see how the love shone there when she hugged someone she cared about?

Would she ever look at him like that? Would she even look at him at all?

It was too much. It was all too much and he was no longer able to stop the tears as he sat in the chair in the waiting room, his head in his hands, waiting desperatly for news.

Praying for her to be okey, knowing that she wasn´t. Knowing he couldn´t do a thing to help her.

God, they had wasted so much time. They could have been a family now, like Will always wanted. Like he had always wanted if he was honest with himself. It wouldn´t have been easy.

God knew they had issues, but they could have done it. If they had worked hard they could have been happy.

He loved Samantha Brady. He loved her so much that he ached with it and he was sick of denying it to himself.

His son had always known it. Had always tried to push them togheter.

And damn it, he was getting fed up with his mothers comments. Always bad mouthing the mother of his child, calling her a whore.

She would have a heart attack when she released that he was planning to ask that "whore" to marry him.

If she didn´t die on that operating table that she had been on for the last two hours.

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He didn´t know what he would do if he lost her.

If he had to tell Will that he had to grow up without the mother he loved more than anything...

If he had to watch them lower her body into the ground...

He had a feeling that he couldn´t go through that day sober.

The only thing stopping him from drinking right now was the need to be at the hospital, the need to be close to her in any way possible.

And he had promised her, promised himself, that he wouldn´t drink another drink as long as he lived. And he hadn´t. He hadn´t touched a drop since that day in his apartment after Maggie's death when she and Will had come to his apartment and found him drunk.

The look of disappointment in his sons eyes had almost been more than he could bear.

But if she died...

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- Dad? Dad, is mom...?

The scared voice of his son made Lucas raise his head, tears still running down his face.

-Will? What...? How did you...?

Will sat down in the chair beside him, his eyes full of fear.

- Grandma Kate drove me here. Dad, you´re crying. Mom?..

Lucas tried to give his son a smile, using the back of his hands to wipe the tears from his face.

- She´s alive. And she´s gonna be okey ,Will. Your mom is a fighter.

Lucas forced himself to sound hopeful, but considering the look on his sons face, he didn´t do a very good job.

- Then why where you crying?

- I... Lucas sighed, not wanting to lie to his son, but knowing that the truth would make him more upset than he already was.

The kid had been through more than enough already and Lucas didn´t want to add to his burden.

Above all else, he hated to see his son in pain.

- Don´t lie to me. I can handle it. I´m a big boy.

And he looked so much like his mother when he said that, his lips trembling the same that

Sami´s did when she was upset, that Lucas felt his insides tighten.

_Oh Sami..._

She had to make it. If for nothing else, then for the sake of their son. The son she loved more than anything in this world.

- I know you are Will. I know you are.

His son had grown up so fast. It felt like it was just yesterday that Will had run up to him, eager to tell him what he had done in kindergarten. Now he was sitting here, his face full of

fear, scared that he would lose his mother.

- Dad?

- Sorry buddy. Got lost in some memories.

He gave his son a weak smile.

- So?

- Your mom´s still in surgery. She´s lost a lot of blood.

- Still? Why does it take so long?

- I don´t know, Lucas said, feeling helpless. He had been fighting that feeling every since he had found her laying lifeless on the ground outside her mothers apartment building.

She had looked like the sleeping beauty. If not for the blood...

Trying to shake of the memories of how the earth around her had turned red, the blood pooling around her, he looked around, seeing for the first time the large crowd of people in the waiting room.

Brady, a stricken look on his face.

John. Looking almost as bad as Lucas felt, guilt written clearly on his face.

Belle, her eyes big in her pale face, sitting next to Shawn who had an troubled, far away look on his face.

Bo, standing beside his wife at the reception, looking like he wanted to kill someone, casting angry glances at John.

His mother, sitting next to John, a paper mug in her hand.

Even Rex and Mimi where there, holding hands as they sat next to Belle.

The only one missing was Marlena and Lucas wondered where the woman was while her daughter was fighting for her life.

If it was Will...

Sami would be beside herself, tears streaming down her face, her blue eyes shining with fear.

Now it was Will who sat next to him, his lips trembling, tears in his eyes.

She had to be okey. She just had to. Because if she wasn´t...

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He pressed his eyes togheter, willing that though out of his head.

He opened them again and tried to give his son a reassuring smile.

Then his mothers voice drifted through the room and his smile turned in to a scowl.

- I´m sure she´s gonna be okey. The little tramp always lands on her feet. Yeah, your brother´s been here the whole time. What? No, he dosen´t love her. Because she´s a twisted little bitch that´s why!

She was standing away from the group of people, talking on the phone, ignoring the sign that said that no cell phones where allowed.

That was another thing he didn´t need right now. He was tired as it was, without having to listen to his mothers comments about Sami. Good thing she was talking to Philip and not him.

He closed his eyes again, resting his head against the wall behind him. God, he was tired.

- I really hate it dad.

- What?

- When grandma is talking trash about mom.

Lucas sighed.

- Yeah. Me too.

He took his son´s hand, giving it a squeeze.

- Listen, Will. When your mom is...

But his son interrupted him, point towards the emergency room.

- Look, Dr Carver´s on her way here. Do you think...?

Lucas was standing in a matter of seconds, dread washing over him when he saw Lexie´s face.

- Lucas, Will. She gave them a small forced smile, her eyebrows knitted tightly togheter.

_God, please._

- Dr Carver. How...? Is she...?

_I´ll do anything. Just, please, God don´t..._

- The surgery went fine. But there where some... complications.

Complications?

_No. No. God..._

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TBC... So? Good? Bad? Let me know what you think by pressing the little button below. Please.


	2. Chapter 2

"_...why where you crying?"_

"_Your mom´s still in surgery."_

"_... she´s gonna be okey ,Will. Your mom is a fighter."_

"_... there where some... complications."_

* * *

- Complications? What kind of... complications?

She looked at the man infront of her, saw the way he squeezed his sons hand. The tears that still lingered in his eyes, the panic he tried to hide.

_She isn´t just the mother of his son. There´s more here then just attraction._

- Lexie, please...

_He´s in love with her._

She saw it clearly written on his face and wondered why no one had realised it before.

_They must´ve been blind_.

- Is mommy gonna be okey?

She turned to his son and saw the same fear there as she had seen is his father.

The same love.

- We managed to stop the bleeding. We gave her a tranfusion and she´s stabilized now, but...

- But what?

It was John who asked, standing behind Lucas, looking like he hadn´t sleept in a week.

- Her heart stopped for a while during the operation.

Lucas´ face turned grey and she heard the strangled gasp that came from John. She looked at Will and her heart broke for the boy. He had lost so many people to this monster already. And now his mother could be next.

-Daddy, does that mean that mom´s gonna die?

To lose your mother when you where so young... It could destroy him. It _would_ destroy him.

- No, she´s not. Remember what I told you Will, your mom´s a fighter.

Lucas talked to his son, but he looked at Lexie and she saw the desperation in his eyes. He didn´t believe in his own words and she couldn´t blame him.

She wasn´t very opitimistic herself.

- We got the heart going again but she´s still unconscious.

- So, what does that mean? Is she gonna be okey?

Lucas had his voice under control, trying to not to upset Will, but she heard the hope and the fear, saw the panic, and she understod it. All to well.

He knew he could lose her. And the very thought of it made it hard to breathe. To think.

The pain would be unbearable. The loss would shatter his heart, tear his soul to pices.

It would make him turn to the bottle, seeking a way to forget.

She knew how that felt. To lose the one you loved more than life itself, your soulmate, was one of the hardest thing you could ever go through.

_Oh, Abe... I miss you so much_.

- Yeah, is my sister gonna be okey?

Belle was standing beside her father, biting her lip, her eyes red and puffy.

Sami had so many people who loved her.

- The next twenty-four hours are going to be critical. We could still lose her.

She had so many reasons to live.

- And... and if she makes it through the next twenty-four hours?

The fear of losing his stepdaughter had eatched lines on John´s face, making him look like an old man. And it made Lexie wonder where the hell Marlena was. A family should hold together in times like this.

- Then, if she wakes up on her own within the next day or so, she should pull through.

- _If _she wakes up she _should_ make it? What kind of diagnosis is that?

Lucas´ voice, filled with disbelief and anger, echoed in the waiting room, making the people turn their heads and stare at him.

- Lucas, calm down. I know you are worried, we all are, but yelling at Lexie dosen´t help. She´s doing the best she can. Everyone here is.

Lucas pulled away from the hand that John had placed on his shoulder, acting as if it had burned him, and turned his head, giving him a look that Lexie couldn´t quite define.

There was anger. Fear. Distrust.

And then something that made her heart stop.

Hate.

- We _all_ worried? Are you sure about that John? Where´s Marlena? You´d think she wanna be here. Sami is her daughter, after all, isn´t she?

Anger flared in John´s eyes.

- I haven´t been able to reach her. Are you insinuating that...

- I´m not insinuating anything. I just want some answer. Seems like you don´t like my questions. Now why is that, John?

- And why should I have to answer your questions, Lucas?

- Oh, you don´t have to. I´ll get my answers. Somehow. From someone.

They stood there, staring at each other, Lucas´ looking ready to kill someone.

Will looked at his father, then at the man he considered his grandfather, his eyes big with surprise.

He wasn´t the only one. Belle looked at Lucas and her father, her eyebrows knitted togheter in confusion. And Bo looked at John, suspision in his eyes.

Finally John looked away from Lucas, a flash of guilt in his eyes.

_What is going on here? Why is John acting like he has something to hide?_

Lucas still looked at John, like he was trying to figure out if he should say something more, then, desiding against it, he turned back to Lexie, a forced smile on his face.

- Sorry Lexie. I know that you take good care of Sami. I just... snapped.

- No need for apologizes. I understand. We are all worried.

He shot a glance at John, then at his mom, standing a few meters away.

- Yeah. So, when can we see her?

- As soon as we get her into a recovery room. I´ll send someone out here to tell you. But she needs her rest, so short visits by immediate family only. Okey?

- Okey. Thank you.

* * *

A few hours later, when she went to check on Sami she found Lucas sitting by her bedside, holding her hand. The only sound in the room was coming from the heart monitor.

- Your still here? I thought I told you to keep the visits short.

Not that she was all that surprised. To tell the truth, she would have been chocked to find Sami alone.

He didn´t even look up at her as he spoke, his eyes never leaving Sami´s face.

- If you think I´m leaving her alone, _here_, then you´re crazy.

- Lucas...

- Not a chance in hell.

- Your son needs you.

- He´s with my mother. He begged me to stay here.

He brushed a piece of hair from Sami´s face, his fingers caressing her skin. The tenderness of his actions made Lexie´s heart ache.

- He´s so afraid he´s gonna lose his mother this time...

_And your son´s not the only one who´s afraid, is he Lucas?_

- All we can do is pray. Your son is a wonderful boy. So brave.

- I know. He´s getting it from his mother.

A soft smile touched his lips, and it was clear that he was lost in memories.

Sami? Brave? Now that was a word she wasn´t used to hearing when talking about Roman´s strong headed daughter.

Selfish, mean, vindictive. Those where words that Lucas had used himself when he´d talked about the mother of his son.

- She´s a great mom. She loves Will more than anything.

Although Lexie agreed, having seen Sami interact with her son, she was chocked to hear Lucas actually admit it.

- You really are in love with her, aren´t you?

Lucas was quiet for so long that Lexie didn´t think he would answer.What right had she to ask him that anyway? It wasn´t like she and Sami where friends. Far from it.

- She dosen´t even know. I´ve never told her and now...

_... and now it may be to late._

Yeah, she knew how that line went. She had been down that road herself a couple of times.

- There´s still time.

- How do you know that? How do you even know if she´s gonna live through the night?

And he sounded so tired, so depressed, that Lexie couldn´t help but feel sorry for him.

- Sami´s a fighter, you said so yourself.

- Yeah, I did.

Lucas sighed, running a hand through his hair.

- Why don´t you go home for a few hours, get some sleep. I´ll call you if she wakes up.

She said it, knowing he´d refuse.

He shook his head, focusing back to the woman in the bed.

- You´ll be no good to her if you are exhausted.

- I´m not leaving her.

Understanding that it was a futil to argue with him, she went over to Sami´s bed, looking at her chart.

- There´s a coffee machine outside the room if you need some coffeine.

He gave her a tired smile.

- Thank you.

- You´re welcome.

She flashed a flashlight in Sami´s eyes, feeling relived when the pupils reacted.

- So, what does your mother think of you beeing here?

- She´s not too thrilled.

- That´s gotta be the understatment of the year, Lexie said wrily.

- She´s gonna have to learn to deal. Sami?

She gave him a reassuring smile, having heard the fear he was trying to hide.

- She´s hasn´t gotten any worse.

- Or any better, he muttered.

- You gotta give her some time. She´ll pull through this. She always does.

She saw something dark flash in his eyes, something akin to guilt.

_A lot of that going around here._

- No, she dosen´t.

Lexie raised an eyebrow, curious a the look of self-hatred that she saw in his eyes.

- You gotta be optimistic Lucas.

- It´s a little hard when she´s lying in a freaking hospital bed, with tubes everywhere. IV drops... God, she hates beeing in a hospital. Being poked with needels...

Beeing injected with poision, actually dying on death row, might give you a small averasion againt needels. Putting it mildly.

- I know.

His hands shook as he took her hand and lifted it to his mouth, giving it a kiss.

- She´s so pale... My beautiful angel... Oh God, Sami...

His shoulders where shaking, silent sobs racking his body.

And Lexie´s heart, the one organ that had been shattered so many times, broke again at the sight of Lucas´ grief.

* * *

It was morning the next time she went to see Sami. She had told the nurses to let Lucas stay with her, doubting that even the security guards could have pried him away from her bedside.

He had fallen asleep in his chair, his hand still resting on hers.

He woke up as she entered the room, his eyes going directly to Sami.

- How´s she?

Lexie examined her, checking her chart.

- There´s no change.

Lucas looked the heart monitor, then back at her, his jaw thightning.

- I hate seeing her like this.

- I know. It´s never easy to see someone you love in a hospital bed.

First had her husband died. Alone. And her son had lost his father.

Then her thoughts went to her brother, lying in a similar bed as Sami, him too fighting for his life. And he could have had a chance, not a big one, but still. A chance.

Until someone mudered him, gave him a deadly injection.

Lucas must have seen the look on her face beacuse he sighed, starting to apologize.

- I´m sorry Lexie. I didn´t mean to remind you...

She gave him a small smile, shaking her head.

- It´s okey. It´s not like I can forget it anyway.

- Yeah. I just hope that they catch her soon, whoever she is.

The anger in his eyes scared her and she remembered how he had looked at John in the waiting room..

The hate.

- What happened between you and John yesterday?

And she could almost feel the shields going up. He stood up and went to the window, looking out at the parking lot, his shoulders tensing.

- It was nothing.

She furrowed her brows, hearing the warning in his voice.

- Nothing? You looked about ready to strangle him.

- Well, it´s between him and me. And his wi...

A small voice interrupted him, making turn around and stare at the woman in the bed.

- Lu... Lucas?

Sami had woken.

- Sami?

- Lucas. What..?

Her voice was hoarse and rough and confusion shone in her eyes.

- I´ll explane later. For now just let me... Oh, God Sami... you´re awake.

He rested his forehead against hers, hands on each side of her face. His eyes where closed, tears running down his face.

* * *

TBC... Good, bad? Reviews? Live for them. Kind of. I´m thinking Sami´s POV for the next chapter? 


	3. Chapter 3

_This chapter is for you sis. I´m so sorry honey. Life is not fair. May Felix rest in peace._

* * *

The first thing she heard was a distant, beeping sound. 

Trying to locate the sound she opened her eyes, closing them almost as fast, a harsh bright light piercing them.

She tried again, opening her eyes slowly this time, letting them adjust from the darkness she had been floating in.

_Beep,beep,beep..._

The beeping continued and she turned her head towards it.

A heart-monitor.

Then she looked down and saw the needel in her hand.

An IV needel.

She was in a hospital. Again.

Great.

* * *

-... you looked about ready to strangle him. 

Lexie.

Lexie was her doctor. But who was she talking to?

She tried to move her body and nearly gasped when the pain shot through her stomach.

Oh God... What had happened to her?

She settled for just turning her head instead and found herself looking at a familiar backside.

- Well, it´s between him and me. And his wi...

Lucas. What was he doing here?

Well, you won´t know if you don´t ask.

- Lu... Lucas?

He turned around, shock evident on his face.

- Sami?

- Lucas. What..?

She winced at the sound of her own voice. Why did she sound like she hadn´t used it in a week?

- I´ll explane later. For now just let me... Oh, God Sami... you´re awake.

And he leaned over her, resting his forehead against hers, his hands cradiling her face.

What was this? Why was he acting like she had come back from the dead?

And why did it feel so good to be close to him?

After a while he straightened, opened his eyes and offered her a trembling smile.

And fear started seaping through her when she saw the tears that still lingered in his eyes. Lucas never cried.

Unless it was something bad had happened. Not unless he had thought that she would die.

- Tell me.

He sat down in the chair beside her bed, reaching for her hand.

- Something... happened outside your mothers apartment two days ago.

Two days ago? Had she been in a coma or something?

- Two days?...

- Yeah. You had us a little worried.

He gave her his trademark grin , but she could see the worry behind it.

She could have...

No. She didn´t want to go there.

- Sorry general. So, what happened?

She saw something flash in his eyes, but it was gone before she knew what it was.

Anger? Guilt?

- Do you remember anything?

Did she?

She knew she had dropped of Will at school, she remembered how embarresed he had been when she tried to give him a hug. Then she gone to her mothers apartment and...

And what?

Her mother had said something...

- Sami?

- I remember dropping Will of at school. Then I drove to my mothers apartment...

- Yeah. And you called me to tell me to pick Will up after school, you said that you had something to do.

She had called Lucas?

- I did?

Lucas frowned at the unsure tone in her voice.

- You don´t remembered that?

- No. I don´t.

There where something else. Something else she had forgotten. Something important.

- Yeah, you called me after you had visited your mother. You sounded agitated and then I could hear you crying, but you wouldn´t tell me what was wrong. And...

He stopped, a look of pain in his eyes.

- And?

He swallowed, looking like he didn´t know if he should continue, if he should tell her.

- Lucas?

- You stopped talking and...And there was some strange noises and then you screamed... God...

- And you came there?

- And found you beside your car, unconsious and bleeding. There where so much blood...

There was a knive... A flash of a mask... And then, darkness.

- Someone... Someone stabbed me?

- Yeah.

- In the stomach.

She put here hand on her abdomen, feeling the bandages there.

- You shouldn´t touch that yet.

Lexie.

- You saved me life.

The doctor gave her a small smile as she looked up from the chart.

- It wasn´t just me. There was a team of surgeons.

- Thank you.

- It´s my job.

Yeah, but she and Lexie wasn´t the best of friends. In fact, they could bearly stand each other.

Switching paternity tests could do that.

- But still, thanks.

- You´re welcome.

Lucas got up from the chair and ran a hand through his hair.

- I should go a and call Will.

- Oh.

She didn´t want him to leave.

She wanted him to stay here,beside her bed, holding her hand.

It made her feel safe. And she needed that so badly.

The concern in his eyes comforted her.

Witch made her feel stupid. When had she started to need Lucas to feel safe, to feel comforted?

To feel lo...

No.

- He was pretty worried. He didn´t want to leave you yesterday until I told him that I would stay here.

Lucas had stayed here? The whole night?

Why did that make her feel all warm inside?

- Yeah, go and call him. Where is he by the way?

- With my mom.

Kate. She was surley having a field day with this.

- She´s gonna be disappointed when she hears I´m still alive.

He didn´t argue with her, didn´t tell her that she was exaggerating. He just shook his head and sighed.

- Yeah. Well, I let Lexie check up on you and I´ll come back later. Okey?

She smiled at him, relieved that he wasn´t leaving her.

- Okey. If you want.

- Couldn´t drag me here if you tried.

- Thank you. For staying I mean. Even if it was just for Wills sake.

- I didn´t stay for Wills sake. I stayed for mine.

And before she could comment on that he had left the room, leaving her to stare at the door in confusion.

He had stayed for his sake? What did he mean by that?

- So, Sami, how are you feeling?

- Huh?

Lexie chuckled.

-Don´t worry. He´s coming back.

- What? No, I´m not... I mean, I don´t care.

Lexie smiled knowingly.

- _Sure_ you don´t. So, how do you feel?

Sami felt her cheeks turn red. Why did everyone think that she had a thing for Lucas?

She didn´t. She couldn´t.

And besides, if she did (witch she didn´t), it didn´t matter anyway. Lucas didn´t have any feelings for her.

That problem solved she foucused on the next one.

- My stomach hurts. You think you could get me some morphine or something?And no...

-No needels. I know. Lucas told me. Just let me check those stiches and I´ll see what I can come up with.

Lucas had told Lexie about her phobia for needels?

Why had he done that?

He didn´t care about her.

Right?

* * *

TBC... So? Does it stink? 


	4. Chapter 4

His grandma picking him up from school.

The ill hidden joy on her face when she told him what happened.

His mom in the hospital, serioulsy injured.

Sitting beside his grandma when she drove him to the hospital, the knots in his stomach twisting.

_Mommy..._

* * *

The tears in his fathers eyes, making him think that he had come to late, that his mom was already dead.

Relief when he heard that she was still alive.

Fear when he heard that she was still in surgery.

The helpless tone in his fathers voice, scaring him more than anything.

* * *

The anger when he heard his grandmothers comments about his mom.

His mom was in surgery for christ sake. Couldn´t grandma give it a rest?

She was fighting a losing battle anyway. He had seen the way his father looked at his mom.

The way his mother looked at his dad.

The look on their faces when they would get lost in each others eyes.

And the way they would look away when they reliased what they where doing. As if looking at someone was a crime.

The tone in his mothers voice when she told him that she and his dad was just friends.

The flash of hurt in his fathers eyes and the regret in his mothers.

He would get them to admit that they loved each other. Somehow.

If his mom made it out of surgery alive.

_Mommy..._

* * *

- I really hate it dad.

- What?

- When grandma is talking trash about mom.

His dad sighed, looking more tired that he had ever seen him.

- Yeah. Me too.

His father took his hand, squeezed it, and opened his mouth to speak.

- Listen, Will. When your mom is..

Will would have loved to hear him finish that sentence, sensing that his dad was about to say something about his feelings for his mom, but then he saw Dr Carver.

She was on her way towards them and the fear Will felt ten folded when he saw the look on her face.

_Mom... You have to make it._

When she said that it had been complications... That his mom´s heart had stopped...

His father had turned gray and grandpa John had gasped, but Will had just stood there, doing nothing, feeling frozen. Dr Carver had looked at him with compassion in her eyes.

_Please..._

-Daddy, does that mean that mom´s gonna die?

Fear had made his voice sound shrill and he´d turned his head towards his father, seeing the same fear in his fathers face, feeling it in the way he grasped his hand.

- No, she´s not. Remember what I told you Will, your mom´s a fighter.

His dad had answered him without looking at him and Will had heard the desperation in his voice.

He wasn´t sure and a look at Dr Carver´s face and the words that came from her lips confirmed his suspicions.

His mom could die. And the thought of that made his own heart stop.

_Mommy, please... You gotta live. Dad and I love you, so much_.

And he prayed to God, to anybody that would listen, that his mom would survive.

_If you let her live... I promise I won´t even ask for us to be a family. Just, please, let my __mommy live..._

_

* * *

_

He loved his grandpa John, and he knew that John loved his mother as if she was his daughter.

To grandpa she was, and everybody knew that.

His mom said that she hated John.

He didn´t know the details about what had happened between his mother and grandpa John, but he knew it had to be bad.

Every time he asked his mom about it she got a distant look on her face and then she would press her lips together and tell him to go do his homework.

He had heard his dad talk to her, saying that she should forgive John, that John loved her. That he knew that she loved him as a father.

She just yelled at him, telling him to drop it, saying that she didn´t love John, that she never had.

And they had all known that she had lied.

* * *

His dad had always tried to bring grandpa and mom together.

That´s why he didn´t understand why his dad acted the way he did, looking like he wanted kill John with his bare hands.

Why had his voice been full of anger when he asked about grandma Marlena?

Why had John´s eyes filled first with anger and then with overwhelming guilt?

What was going on? And where was his grandma? Had something happened to her too?

There was something his father wasn´t telling him. Something bad.

Something that would make this whole nightmare even worse.

_Mommy..._

* * *

His dad had told him to go home with grandma Kate, telling him that it was way past his bed time.

He had refused, wanting to stay at his mothers bed, if for nothing else then to assure himself that she was still alive.

Barely.

She was still in a coma.

She could still die. And dad wanted him to go? No way.

- Will. Go home with your grandma.

His voice was stern, but Will saw the emotions in his eyes, knew that his father was on the brink of loosing it.

- No. I don´t wanna leave mom.

His dad swallowed, looking like he was gonna cry.

- I know you don´t buddy. But you need to sleep.

He wasn´t tired and he was sure he wouldn´t get any sleep. But the look on his dads face, the tears the glistened in his eyes made him nod.

- Only if you stay.

- Deal.

- You call me if... If anything...?

He´d swallowed, not beeing able to get the words past his lips.

_Mom... His mom was at a hospital again._

- Of course buddy. Be good for grandma.

He had started to walk towards the door, the he had turned around, looking at his dad who sat beside his mom, one of her hands in his.

- Dad?

- Mmm?

His dads eyes didn´t leave his mothers face.

- When... when she wakes up...

- Yeah?

- Tell her you love her.

- Will...

- Please. She... she loves you too dad.

His dad swallowed again, pressing his lips together.

- Go with your grandma Will.

His voice was thick with emotion, his hands trembling.

- Dad...

- Please.

He sighed, knowing that it was useless to argue with his father when he had that tone of voice.

- Take care of mom.

- I will.

He stepped out of the room, colliding with his grandmother.

- Sorry, grandma. Daddy said that I should go home. Will you drive me?

She smiled faintly.

- Sure sweetheart. Your dad isn´t coming?

- No. He´s gonna stay here with mom.

- He is?

He could almost see the wheels turning in her head.

- Yeah.

Her eyes hardened and she pressed her lips together, but thankfully she didn´t say anything more.

He wondered how she would react when she found out that his dad loved his mom.

If only his mom woke up...

_Mommy... Please..._

* * *

TBC... I know that this chapter isn´t as long, or as good as the others but... Read it and tell me what you think. And sorry that it has taken me so long to update. Next chapter will be either Lucas´ or John´s pov. Any ideas? 


	5. Chapter 5

_Seeing her, laying in a pool of blood, had terrified him._

_His beautiful girl, pale as the snow she´d laid in, her life pooling out of her._

* * *

He had done this.

He had seen the changes in her behaviour, had known that she had hidden something from him.

He hadn´t been able to stop her and now she had stabbed Samantha.

* * *

He´d seen her, running from the scene, and he hadn´t belived his eyes.

His wife.

A glimpse of a knife.

Sami, dying in the snow.

And still, knowing what he had seen, he couldn´t bring himself to accuse her.

Couldn´t let Bo arrest her.

Couldn´t bare the thought of her rotting away in jail.

* * *

He had seen the look of panic in Lucas face, seen the love the man held for his daughter, and the guilt had been almost unbearable.

He should have stopped her.

If Samantha died...

The thought made it hard to breathe.

If he had to watch them lower her coffin into the ground...

Another victim of the serial killer.

And he would never forgive himself.

* * *

He had called the others, knowing that Lucas wouldn´t be able to.

Listening to his daughter´s brakedown was almost more than he could handle.

Leaving a message on his wifes cellphone had made his stomach turn.

The suspicion in Bo´s voice made him close his eyes.

Bo didn´t trust him anymore, knew he was hiding something.

He would figure it out soon and then all hell would brake loose.

_Oh, Marlena..._

And he couldn´t help but wonder where she was now.

Out searching for her next victim?

Or was it possible that he had made a mistake, that the woman he had seen running from the scene had just looked liked Marlena?

He doubted it. But hope was the last thing that died.

* * *

He had waited as long as he could to call Lucas´ mother, knowing that Sami wouldn´t want her there, and his jaw had ached when he had forced himself to be quiet as he listened to Kate. Her hate for his daughter, the glee in her voice had made him grip the phone so thight that his knuckels turned white.

In that moment he understood Samantha´s feelings for the woman.

_Oh, so Sami´s in the hospital again? Hope she stays there, for good this time._

Did she really think that that was the smartest thing to say to him?

He bearly fought the urge to tell her what he thought of her words, _of her_, saying instead that she should pick Will up from school.

The phone call left a bitter taste in his mouth and he went to the nurses station in the search for water.

Then he had seen Lucas, sitting in a plastic chair, his head in his hands.

The call to his son had taken all strength from him and now the worry for the woman in surgery threatened to swallow him whole.

His love for Sami was unmistakable.

Just as his hate for her attacker wasundenaible.

John felt himself torn in two, the hate compeating with the love.

How could he not hate her? She had killed so many people he loved. She had stabbed his daughter and left her there to die. That alone was unforgivable.

How could he not love her? She was his life, the light that made his day brighter.

She had saved his life more times than he could count.

She had given him a child, the ultimate gift a woman could give a man.

And now, somehow, the woman he loved had most likely turned, become a monster.

He couldn´t help but wonder what he had done wrong. Wonder if he should have seen it sooner.

His wife, the woman people loved, trusted, was a killer.

A cold blooded murderer.

And it didn´t make any sense.

* * *

Pictures of his daughter, dying in the snow, a franatic Lucas leaning over her.

The familiar profile of a woman running from the scene, a knife in her hand.

Ambulance sirens coming closer.

The gruesome feeling that they where to late, that Sami was already gone.

An overwhelming sense of loss when the ambulance left, rushing her to the hospital.

Too late. He found out the killers identity too late.

It could cost him his daughters life.

The price was too high.

The guilt was too much.

* * *

Anger and frustration made Lucas yell, and although John understood, knowing he would do the same thing if he had been in Lucas´ shoes, he needed to calm down.

He needed to be strong for his son´s sake.

Knowing that seeing his father yelling at his mom´s doctor wouldn´t help Will, John put a hand on the other mans shoulder, hoping to ease the stress and frustration that was coming off Lucas in waves.

- Lucas, calm down. I know you are worried, we all are, but yelling at Lexie dosen´t help. She´s doing the best she can. Everyone here is.

Lucas pulled way from his touch and turned his head, staring at him.

John understood the anger and fear in the other mans eyes and he could live with the distrust. He probably deserved it. The relationship between him and Sami wasn´t the best, and it wasn´t all his strongheaded stepdaughters fault.

When you love someone you tend to remember those who hurt them.

Lucas loved Sami deeply. And John had hurt her badly in the past.

It wasn´t until he saw the hate in Lucas´ eyes that he started to worry.

And when he heard the words that came out of his mouth, saw the way Lucas fought to control himself, he knew.

The man wasn´t stupid.

He saw more, looked deeper than John had known.

And now he had started to suspect Sami´s mother.

John had no idea what to do, so he hid behind anger, lashing out at Lucas when he asked him about Marlena, only succeeding in fueling the younger mans anger and raising his suspicions.

Finally they stood there, staring at each other, and John saw his own death in Lucas´ eyes.

Saw the death of everyone who hurt the woman he loved.

In that moment, knowing that he was protecting the woman who had stabbed her own daughter, the guilt overwhelmed him. He couldn´t look Lucas in the eyes anymore.

He had failed the woman he loved as a daughter.

If she didn´t wake up, if she didn´t make it, his guilt would eat him alive.

And Lucas would go after Marlena, would kill the one who had murded the woman he loved.

The mother of his son.

The woman who he lived for.

Consequences be damned.

* * *

- You should go home, get some rest.

He turned from the window he had been staring out of and came face to face with Lexie Craver.

- I can´t. Not until I know that Samantha´s okey.

He was the only parent she had and he couldn´t, wouldn´t leave her.

Especially not considering that it was his wife that put her in a hospital bed in the first place.

Her mother.

What the heck had happened to her?

Lexie gave him a wry smile and shook her head.

- You sound just like Lucas. He refuseses to leave her bedside.

Well, he loved her. You don´t leave the people you loved alone when they were hurt.

Not when they where lying unconscious in a hospital bed because they had been attacked by a maniac killer.

Especially not if the killer could come and finish the job.

John felt his insides thighten.

Maybe that was the real reason he was staying put at the hospital. Hoping to catch her sneaking around Sami´s room.

She had done it before. Tony had been at the hospital when she had given him the injection that killed him.

She could go do it again. And if anybody saw her, well then she was just a concerned mother visiting her daughter. Nobody would suspect her.

And why should they?

He hadn´t given them any reasons to doubt her.

* * *

He didn´t blame Lucas for not letting Sami out of his sight. Couldn´t blame him for not letting him near her.

It drove him crazy not to see her, but as long as Lucas blamed him for the fact that she was in coma, as long as he suspected Marlena for the attack, there was no way in hell that he would let him anywhere near that hospital room.

It was probably for the best. If Sami woke up and saw him there...

- John? Are you alright?

Lexie´s voice interrupted his thoughts, and he managed to give her a small smile.

- Yeah. Sorry Lexie. There´s a lot of thoughts... He shook his head. - Never mind. Is Sami okey?

- There is no change.

- Meaning she´s still in a coma. That´s not good is it?

His beautiful girl...

Lexies facial expression confirmed his suspicions, but the words that came out of her mouth was those of a doctor. Clinical. Precise. And not really saying anything.

- It´s to soon to tell. The coma could just be a way for her body to heal.

- Or it could mean that her brain´s damaged.

- Maybe, but I doubt it. I was just in there checking on her. Her pupils are reactive to light.

John felt a flood of relief rush through him, but he pushed it down, refused to get his hopes up.

- Then why the heck isn´t she awake yet?

Lexie sighed.

- I don´t know John. Look, her body´s been through a lot, she´s suffered a severe blood loss... It´s gonna take awhile.

- I´m sorry. I didn´t mean to question your competetens, it´s just...

He was acting like Lucas had earlier, lashing out at the one person who tried to help.

The one person who _could_ help.

- I know. She´s your daughter. I would probably to the same thing if it was my son.

- Thank you.

Lexie shook her head, waving away his words.

- Don´t mention it.

She glanced at her watch, a peculiar look on her face.

- Aren´t your shift over?

- Two hours ago.

-Then why are you still here?

She smiled, but he could see the tears in her eyes.

- I need to keep busy. It is... It _was_ our anniversary today.

First Abe. Then Tony. Lexie had lost two family members.

Her son would grow up without knowing his father.

All because of...

No. No. He couldn´t do this anymore.

- I´m sorry.

It was hard getting the words past his lips.

- I know. And it´s not your fault.

But it was. And he shouldn´t be here, waiting for a result that maybe wouldn´t come.

He should be out there, working with Bo and Hope. He should bring her in.

But she was still his wife. He still loved her.

And if Samantha died she would have killed her own daughter.

-Maybe it is.

She stared at him, her eyebrows raised.

-What do you mean?

He looked at her, saw the tears that still lingered in her eyes and knew he couldn´t tell her. Not yet. Not until he had some proof.

Not until he had talked to his wife.

- Nothing. I was just... It´s nothing.

She didn´t belive him. He could see it in her eyes.

And she wasn´t a woman that backed down. That was what had made her such a good cop all those years ago.

- Nothing huh? The same _nothing_ that happened between you and Lucas earlier?

- Yes. And it´s between him and me.

She shook her head, irritation shining from her eyes.

- And Marlena apparently. Stubborn _idiots_!

She wasn´t just talking about him and he couldn´t help but wonder what Lucas had told her.

- You asked Lucas?

She snorted and gave him an incredulous look.

- No John. He was a little too busy breaking down to actually talk. He´s terrified. And frankly, so am I. If you or Marlena know more than you are saying so help me God...

She wanted to know who had killed her husband and her brother.

So did he.

For a whole other reason.

To her, it would bring peace. To him and his family it would bring only more heartache.

- Look, I can´t... I can´t tell you. Not yet.

- Fine. I need to go and check on a patient anyway.

He knew he had hurt her, knew she didn´t trust him. But he couldn´t to anything about it. Not then anyway.

He watched walk away, knowing he hadn´t heard the last from her

* * *

Twelve hours later he saw Lucas stepping out of the hospital room, collapsing in a chair outside Sami´s hospital room. And fear crept up John´s spine.

When he saw the tears on the younger mans face he felt like dying.

Samantha...

He walked closer, dread washing over him.

- Lucas?

He didn´t regognize his own voice.

The other man looked up from the where he sat, tears streaming down his face.

And smiled.

- She woke up. Lexie... Lexie´s checking up on her now.

Alive. His girl was alive.

And John felt like crying himself.

- So, she´s okey?

The relief that flooded through him almost made him choke.

- Yes.

Lucas got up from the chair, the look on his face changing. Hardening.

- She dosen´t remember much. She knows that someone stabbed her, but she dosen´t know who it was.

That was odd. John was sure that she had seen her attacker. She had stared at him, a look of terror on her face before she had passed out.

If Sami had seen the attackers face that meant that she hadn´t worn a mask. And that meant that she was getting careless. And desperate.

And that was not a good combination.

- She dosen´t?

Lucas shrugged his shoulders.

- That´s what she says.

And the tone of Lucas´ voice made John look closer at the young man.

- You don´t belive her?

Lucas looked at the door to her room and sighed.

- I don´t know. I think she´s still in chock. She may be repressing her memories.

- Maybe.

- But that only happens if the memories are too painfull, too traumatic. Any idea what those memories could be John?

John felt his defenses going up.

- She was attacked. I would imagine that is traumatic.

- Yeah. Especially if your attacked by someone you know. Like say, once mother?

Lucas was getting too close and he was pushing at things he should leave alone.

- Speaking of mothers, I can´t imagine yours is too happy that you spent the night here.

The younger man gave him a smile that didn´t reach the eyes.

- Nice change of subject, I´ll give you that. But just so you know, I don´t give a fuck what my mom has to say about where I spend my nights.

- From what I´ve heard, you´ve spent your nights all over the town. With all kinds of women. So what are you doing here huh? Waiting for Sami too wake up so you could

add her as a notch on your bedpost?

John knew he had gone to far when he saw Lucas´ jaw tighten and his eyes turned cold.

- Say that again and your face will hit the ground. You damn well know that I love her. You figured that out yesterday. So you think can we cut crap now ?

Although he was pretty sure that he could take Lucas in a fight, he didn´t want to take the chance. Rage and adrenalin was flowing through the younger mans veins, and from the look in his eyes and the way his hands had turned into fists, he was imagening John in a shallow grave.

John sighed and drew a hand through his hair.

- What is it you want Lucas?

Lucas was seeting with an anger he was fighting to keep under control.

- You are not stupid John. You may be a lying sonofabitch who couldn´t care less about your so called daughter, but you aren´t stupid. What I want? How about telling me why your wife almost killed her daughter with a kitchen knife? And so help me God if you lie to me.

* * *

TBC... I updated sooner this time. Yay! Cheers all over the world... LOL So, press the little button below and let me know what you think. The next chapter is gonna be Lucas´ POV. 


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